How to manage, “How’s work going?”, and other anxiety-inducing questions you may be asked this holiday season

Hollywood has told us that this is a magical time of year filled with beautiful decorations and family joy. But for many people, this is not their experience.

If you’re wondering whether people outside of your friend group are also experiencing a spike in anxiety, a study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 40% of adults report an increase in stress and depression during the holiday season. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, people are also less likely to manage their stress in healthy ways.

In an effort to help you manage your anxiety, I am sharing some proven ways to get yourself out of these situations with your dignity and without defaulting to unhealthy means of coping!

Make Plans. People Rarely Change.

If every year you find yourself hoping Auntie Jo won’t ask you if you have a boyfriend yet, it’s time for a new strategy. Know your limits and come up with answers to the questions you’re concerned about by focusing on changing the direction of the conversation. It can be enticing to hope the question never comes up - that so-and-so learned how uncomfortable it was last year - but that often drives anxiety further. Being prepared will allow you to bring confidence to a stressful situation.

Example: How is work? or How is the job search?

Reality: Work is terrible, you didn’t get the promotion you wanted and you’re worried about getting fired with the impending recession

Answer: Work could be better, but right now I’m really looking forward to a new trip, taking a class, and New Year eve plans.

The goal is to talk about something you WANT to talk about not get dragged down the rabbit hole. (Keep reading for another way to answer this question)

Know your audience and bring some content

Many movies and books joke about having an index card of topics to reference for conversation and while I’m not necessarily recommending you have a literal index card of topics, I am suggesting you have some talking points. Discussing a podcast you have listened to recently with light-hearted relatable topics can be a great place to start. NPR has some great options: Planet Money recently put out a podcast about starting a Record Label that is interesting to discuss and seemingly has nothing that could bring conflict. Be sure to avoid topics that could bring your anxiety to the front of the conversation. It can be tempting to talk about the collapse of Twitter, but it’s a short jump from “Comedy is now Legal” to the recent layoffs to “ how is your job search going”(If your job search is not going well, Let’s Talk!)

Designate a holiday buddy

Your holiday buddy might be your partner but it also might be a cousin, sibling, or friend. This buddy doesn’t even have to be onsite. They might be at their own holiday celebration experiencing some eye-roll-inducing moments. This is your go-to for when someone asks if you have met “Mr. Right” yet or makes a political comment you don’t agree with. They are the person who helps you to remember you are more than the negative feelings you may have when confronting your insecurities in front of the people you love most.

Find your power

As you approach this holiday season it can be helpful to remember you’re not the 10-year-old who was forced to hug your Uncle you saw only once a year. Think about ways you can control the situation and maintain boundaries for yourself. Perhaps rather than staying at a family member’s home, you book a hotel if you’re traveling for the holidays to give yourself a literal safe space. You might want to arm yourself with some boundary-setting phrases. Kami Orange, a Boundary Coach, shares incredibly direct ways to set boundaries and help you to get out of uncomfortable situations. A favorite of mine was “oh, we are not on the same page about this.” In response to questions that may not be appropriate for you, you can say “I’m not in the headspace to talk about work right now.” When people impart the wisdom they think you need, you may try “I know you’re trying to help but I’m not looking for advice on my child’s sleep schedule.” Kami has tons of phases on their website and Social Media and I recommend you give Kami a follow if you need some help expressing your boundaries!

Do you worry about having peaceful conversations at holiday celebrations? Does this time of year bring you extra stress or anxiety?

Let me know your favorite strategies for combatting holiday stress and answering awkward questions during the season.